Pillow Talk
by SushiBomb
Summary: Bel and Fran have an extremely important conversation at two in the morning. CRACK. B26-ish if you squint really hard. Rated for Language, content, and general Varia shenanigans. Happy Birthday Bel!


A/N: Just a quick little thing I wrote for Bel's birthday :D

It's just dialogue though, since I enjoy writing like this from time to time. It's nice to let your imagination work once in a while, right?

Plus, they're in the dark, so yeah. It kinda makes sense.

Warnings: 2 AM stupidity (on my part and their's) language, content, and um I don't know.

B26-ish, in a roundabout sort of way. Just read it. Enjoy!

Disclaimer:Sushi*Bomb does not owe Katekyo Hitman Reborn.

* * *

><p>Pillow Talk<p>

* * *

><p>"Psst…Froggy, move over."<p>

"nghh…sempai…?"

"mornin' sunshine, ushishi~!"

"But it's like two in the morning…"

"I know, but I can't sleep."

"..."

"Fran, wake up!"

"Sempai…I'm kinda tired. Please get your unprincely carcass out of my bed so I can sleep."

"Fuck you. Now wake up. Today is the most important day of the year."

"hm…and what day would that be?"

"Why, it's my birthday of course."

"I don't care. Let me sleep."

"What'd you get me?"

"How could I have gotten you anything if I didn't even know until five seconds ago?"

"…shut up."

"nghhh…go away now. I want sleep."

"Seriously, what're you gonna get me?"

"A high-five."

"FRAN!"

"Ow…sempai, please don't yell in my ear. I'm quite delicate."

"I want a good present."

"Okay…what qualifies as a 'good present'?"

"Something the prince will like, obviously."

"In that case, I'll order you a butt plug online and call it a day- ow, ow, sempai please stop pinching my nipple …that really hurts."

"I don't want that, stupid."

"But why? Everyone should have a butt plug."

"What the fuck am I going to do with a butt-plug?"

"Oh I dunno, plug your butt, maybe? Seems pretty straightforward to me."

"That's. Not. What. I. Meant."

"Oh come on, aren't you into all that kinky stuff anyway? I figured you'd probably have like fourteen butt plugs already."

"I don't have any!"

"So then it's settled. I'll buy you one in the morning."

"FRAN!"

"…Whaaaaat…"

"Get me a good present!"

"Oh sweet baby Jesus wrestling a hobo."

"What?"

"Nothing."

"What are you getting me?"

"Oh I know. I'll buy you a CD."

"Who's?"

"There's a band called _Belphegor_. I'm sure you'd love listening to a band named after you."

"Are they any good?"

"Not really."

"Then why would you get that?"

"Well, they're not that good of a band…and you're not that real of a prince. So it works."

"I'm going to kill you now."

"Oh, and purely for the satisfaction of seeing the scowl on your face."

"Don't buy me their CD."

"Okay, I'll order all of their albums tomorrow."

"I said no!"

"Aw come on, I'm sure you'll love them."

"NO!"

"I'm going to duck tape the albums in really annoying places."

"I'll skin you alive."

"I'm going to tape one to your head. And your butt. And Mink."

"WHY?"

"Because your anger is pleasing to me. Like, if you woke up and came downstairs, and there's a random CD taped to your head…no one would get why it's funny but me."

"You're fucking weird, Fran."

"Says the fake prince who crawled into my bed at two in the morning to ask about the birthday present he's not even getting."

"You have to get me something!"

"I don't have any money."

"Yeah you do, idiot. We just got paid the other day for the assignment we went on. _Together_. Remember?"

"Oh…I spent it all."

"On what, pray tell?"

"Hookers. Oh and I bought a bong. Finally."

"Liar."

"No seriously. It's really nice. It's glass."

"I meant about the hookers."

"Yeah, I know."

"I can't believe I'm going to be twenty-seven."

"Wow…what a bag."

"Excuse you. I am not a 'bag.'"

"Um, you're gonna be twenty-seven, which is almost thirty. That's like a third of your life over already. Therefore, bag."

"Twenty-seven is not old. Take that back."

"But for us it is. Think about it. The average hitman usually lives 'til about forty to fifty. Sixty tops. So if you think about it that way, you're like….half-dead basically."

"You are so lucky I don't have any knives on me right now."

"Did you leave your walker and oxygen tank back in your room too?"

"Fraaaan…."

"EW…you didn't come here to _die_ or anything, did you? I kinda really don't want to wake up next to a corpse. That would be uncomfortable. Plus I can't duck tape a CD to your head if your head's going to crumple and fall off."

"You're not taping a fucking CD to my head!"

"Yeah I am."

"You're pissing me off. Get out."

"This is my room, dumbass. _You_ get out."

"Why is your bed more comfortable than mine?"

"Because I'm awesome and you're not-hey now, what are you doing?"

"Is that the sheet?"

"No, that's my stomach."

"Whoa, really?"

"Yeah, really."

"…You're so smooth…"

"Sempai…please stop stroking my stomach like that. It's kinda weird."

"How do you get your skin that soft?"

"Well, if you must know, once a month, I scrub myself with a cheese grater, and once I shed the exoskeleton of scabs, I emerge silky-soft and beautiful. Like a butterfly."

"...You're such a bitch."

"Stop touching me, -hey!"

"Wow, have you been working out? Your ass is so perky."

"Sempai!"

"Are you only wearing boxers?"

"…stay away from me."

"Let me touch your dick."

"What? No."

"Come on. I'm really curious."

"Yeah, I noticed."

"Is it little?"

"I don't discuss my package with fallen royalty."

"Let me touch it. Is it soft like your butt?"

"Get out of my room!"

"I'll leave…after you let me touch your dick."

"No."

"Let me."

"No."

"You know I'm going to do it anyway."

"You know I'm going to pee on your hand if you do."

"Eww Fran!"

"Stop molesting me and go back to your room to wither and die. Bag."

"Fine. I'll see it. One day. And stop calling me a bag."

"BAG. And yeah…no."

"So seriously, what are you getting me for my birthday?"

"I told you already. I'm buying you that band's entire discography."

"FRAN."

"BELPHEGOR."

"Don't buy me that."

"God, you're so rude. You come in here, demanding that I buy you a present, and then you don't like any of the things I suggest. You're so spoiled."

"Who the hell wants to get a butt-plug for their birthday?"

"Um-"

"-_besides_ Lussuria."

"Fine. No butt-plug. Now go to bed."

"I wanna sleep here. My room is really cold."

"Put on a sweater."

"I don't want to. I like sleeping naked."

"…You had better not be naked right now."

"I'm not. I have sleeping pants on. But still. If I put on a sweater, I'll get too hot."

"Then why don't you just raise the temperature, like a person with some semblance of common sense?"

"Squalo won't let me touch the thermostat. He said I broke it last time."

"That's not surprising in the slightest. And, really, it's not even cold in the mansion. You're only cold because you're an old bag. Like the old ladies in the supermarket who always complain about it being too cold, when really, it's the chill of death following them around."

"I'm not old!"

"Then put on a sweater and go away."

"I wanna sleep with someone though. Come'ere. You're really warm."

"Stay away. I hate being touched when I'm sleeping."

"But the prince is cold."

"I hope you die of hypothermia then."

"But it's my birthday!"

"Fine then. Since you refuse to leave, you sleep here in my room, and I'll go sleep in your room."

"No. Stay here with me. You're really warm."

"I don't want to. I'm going to your room."

"Hmmph. Whatever."

"I'm going to pee on your bed."

"No you aren't."

"Yeah I am."

"Fran."

"I'm gonna pee on Mink too."

"WHAT'S WITH YOU AND MINK!"

"I'm going to write 'Happy Birthday' on the carpet with my pee."

"What are you, a camel? You can't pee that much!"

"I'll drink more water in between."

"I'm going back to my room!"

"Oh alright. Night, night sempai."

"Fuck you."

"Happy Birthday."

"Che."

...

"Bag."

...

"Come sunrise, you die."

* * *

><p>Yeah, I'm really strange at two in the morning. And now I actually kinda have to pee….what?<p>

Anyway, Happy birthday Bel!

Read and Review!


End file.
